i’m so tired of feeling like this

so, things aren’t better.  in fact you could say they’re fucked.  this depression is really starting to get on my tits.  i’m tired of it.  i’m tired of playing victim.  and as tired and bitchy about the whole thing that i am i can’t seem to shake these feelings and even more terrible are these thoughts.  i’m really struggling.  i was thinking today of maybe checking myself back into the hospital this weekend.  i just need to get away from myself.  i just need to be taken care of… and let go.  you know what, i hate talking about my feelings face to face when i’m going through this sludge but i do think that it’s important to talk about depression.  i know that i’m not the only one wishing i had the courage to slit my writs.  i think it’s good to put it out there because i know how it feels to be alone with these feelings, especailly when you’re young.  i’m currently still feeling scatty and scared in my thoughts.  i tired to go to the gym tonight and just blare my mp3.  it helped but not enough for me to ignore this big black wave which envelopes me.  wish me luck… i’m gonna need it.

~ by Carrie Perreault on March 5, 2009.