HAPPY BACK TO SCHOOL!!!

I’m a liar.  I said that I would write and then… I don’t.  I have no defense.  Life is busy and time only seems to increase with speed.  This frightens me a bit.  Since I last blogged that “No decisions based on fear” bullshit I still have yet to make a doctor’s appointment.  It has remained on my list of things to do however.  Tomorrow.

I have kind of been losing my shit again.  My mental breakdown however is solely based on jealousy.  I don’t want to get too much into it because jealous is not a pretty emotion and particularly one whose faint hope of romanticism fails when explored in the public realm.  As usual, it’s all about a boy who is no good for me and who I actually don’t love but can’t seem to get out of my idealistic thoughts, and a girl who is not helping his happiness though she probably thinks she is when actually he is using her because he can’t find peace within himself because he no longer owns his life – everyone else does.  Simply put, he’s acting out and she’s apart of it.  And because I am a terrible person I wish her dead.  She’s such a people pleaser and particularly a man pleaser that she’d probably be cool with the fact that he and I still see each other for dinner.  I’m sure he doesn’t tell her everything. (wink).

OK! OK! – SO ONTO HAPPIER, MORE UPLIFTING NOTES:

Today is Labor Day!  That means tomorrow is like the unofficial New Year!  I love back to school!! Even when I wasn’t in school I still loved back to school.  It signifies a new set of challenges, a change in weather, and a return to routine.  I am very excited about the opportunities that lie ahead.  I am a bit nervous which is I guess normal.  I don’t remember feeling this nervous last year but maybe I was.  There are all of those old haunting questions like “What if I’m not good enough?”, “What if I fail?”, “What if I have no good ideas?”, oh and trust me, the list goes on and on.  There is a young girl at work – she is a spit fire – and she is starting college this year.  She’s quite nervous about everything as well.  It seems a bit funny because I believe that I know her quite well and to think that she would be nervous seems completely ridiculous.  She is bright, witty, damn funny, opinionated and thoughtful.  She is all that she should be.  I know she’s going to great in school and to hear her doubts seems almost comical.  She will have tough times, she will lose sleep.  Hell, she may even fail an exam but she is going to be fine.  Better than fine.  When I think of her reservations it all seems a bit absurd.  Maybe I should give my nervousness the same love that I give to her.

~ by Carrie Perreault on September 7, 2009.